15. Why? Motivation. Action/Results.
How much of our lives do we spend trying to answer this one word question?
We ask why about just about everything.
Remember when you were two years old?
Probably not, but most every child goes through a ‘Why Phase’.
During this time, they drive about every adult around them crazy asking why.
A child is curious.
He/she wants to know how things work.
We are constantly trying to figure out what things mean, how they will impact us, and what we are going to do about them.
The truth is, we often will never know or understand ‘why’ things happen.
I do not know about you, but I have spent many years trying to understand the behavior and actions of other people.
• Why did John act that way?
• Why did so-and-so do/say this (to me or someone I care about)?
• Why did my candidate win the election and the other one lose?
• Why did he get the promotion (instead of me)?
• Why did I get laid off (or fired)?
• Why did she get the scholarship and I had to figure out other ways to pay for college?
• Why did that company get the job over mine?
• Why is my body not perfect?
• Why is my relationship miserable?
• Why does he/she not like me?
• Why am I so _______________?
• Why would anyone ever behave that way?
You get the idea.
Note: These are made-up questions and may or may not relate to my life.
Why doesn’t really matter.
So, I may never know why and why doesn’t even matter?
Because the only thing that really matter is HOW I DECIDE TO REACT TO WHAT HAPPENS.
The only thing we can control is our self.
We may want to impact and change things around us.
But really, do any of us have the power to change any other person?
This may be a bubble-buster for some of you.
It was for me.
I thought if I was nice enough, or smart enough, or whatever enough…that would be enough.
Perhaps wanting to know why, stems from wanting to control things around us and wondering if we are really good enough?
I will contend, that deep down, all ‘behavior issues’ stem from not believing we are good enough.
• Rioting and protesting…
• Controlling behavior…
• Prejudice or judgement…
All of these are the result of not believing ‘you’ are good enough.
You know what?
YOUR ARE ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH (for whatever you want) AND YOU ALWAYS WERE!
If why doesn’t really matter and I may never understand why things happen…what am I to do?
Live in the present moment.
CHOOSE how I will respond to whatever happens around me.
For ultimately, that is my only option.
All I have or ever have had control over is me.
How I react to things, what emotions I decide to express, the actions I take or do not take, what I say and do…THESE ARE ALWAYS A REfLECTION OF MY TRUE INNER BELIEFS (at the time).
Five Why Technique
Today, ask yourself why…5 times.
I do not recall where I learned this technique because I have been using it on myself for many years.
When you want to get at what your real reason for doing something is, ask yourself WHY? 5 times.
Here is a hypothetical example:
Say you want to learn a new skill—jump roping.
1. Ask yourself, Why, do I want to learn to jump rope? What is the FIRST thing that pops into your head? To get some exercise
(and I heard jump roping is a really good exercise).
2. Why do I want to get more exercise? Because I went to the doctor last week and he told me I am 25 pounds overweight. He said I should exercise…something to get my heart pumping and my rear in gear. He actually said that…
3. Why do I think jump roping will help me get more exercise and lose weight? Because the doctor told me so. Because I know exercising regularly does help people lose weight. Because I think I can do it.
4. Why do I think I can jump rope for exercise and to lose weight? Because I did it as a child. Because I believe it will be an easy thing to do. All I need is a rope and a little area to swing it around me.
5. Why do I want to exercise and lose weight? To look and feel better, to live longer, to have more energy…to be a better me.
Not the best example, but you get the idea.
Notice that I use this technique only on me.
Asking why 5 times about something outside of yourself is a waste of time…
Why did he or she do that? You have NO WAY of ever really knowing the answer.
Why did this or that happen? There are so many variables, you will never know for sure.
Why waste your time or get yourself all frustrated?
As you ask ‘Why’, over and over again, you dig down to the REAL reason and motivation for doing something.
That makes actually DOING it, so much easier.
The better we understand our motivation, the easier it is to make decisions that support who we are.
This is what DISCOVERING YOU is all about.
What makes YOU tick.
What makes YOU happy.
What makes YOU, you!!!
Discovering YOU is the most important thing you can do right now.
Be Loving. Love Being. Be YOU!
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